Art & Literature

The generic Christmas bestseller list

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Books are big business at Christmas, as people rush to the local Waterstones or WH Smith’s to pick up the first book they see on the bestseller shelf for a loved one. Every year the same type of books are released, and this year is no exception.

  • Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Book – In his latest autobiography/stocking filler/excuse to have his adorable face plastered across a book, Michael explains his runaway success in a series of amusing anecdotes perfectly sized to be read whilst on the loo. Punctuated throughout with Michael laughing at his own jokes, in print form.
  • The Girl Who Spawned Numerous Book Titles – This mysterious thriller is both mysterious and thrilling. Do you know someone who enjoys being entertained? Do you know someone who enjoys mystery and thrill? Then this book set is the present for them. Available in box sets of 50.
  • Abused: My Tragic, Tragic Life – In this handy book, all the popular tragic life stories are put together in one easy-to-read volume. No longer will you have to satiate your desire for voyeuristic misery by buying several different books – all the misery, all the convenience!
  • Nigella’s/Jamie’s/Gordon’s Food Porn Cookbook – The perfect gift for housewives and people who think they’re foodies but are actually not, this narcissistic book contains more photos of the chefs and pointless stories about ‘why I love cranberries’ than actual recipes. When it’s Nigella though, the more photos the better.
  • 10 Funniest Things We Stole from the Internet – Wow, isn’t the Internet a kooky, cool place? In this book perfectly sized for a stocking/Secret Santa gift/present for someone you don’t really know very well, you get interesting anecdotes, weird photos and descriptions of odd videos from the Internet. Lovely. Or you could just go on the Internet and find all these for free.
  • Stephen Fry’s Whimsical Compendium of Useless Frippery – It’s Stephen Fry, what more can we say? He could cough onto a page and sell millions.
  • Generic Female Celebrity: My Life – Whether it be Kerry Katona or Chantelle from Big Brother, we all want to know what the fake-tanned, fake-boobed generic female celebrities of today are up to and how they got to the dizzying heights that they reside in now. Comes complete with pink fluffy carry case and optional small dog.

Originally published on The Yorker 21st December 2010

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